The woes of being feared
This weekend was a Karazhan weekend in my guild. As we have an abundance of tanks, and too many people for one group, but not enough for two, I sat out on Saturday for the most part. One of the healers lost connection at Curator, and so the off-tank switched to her healer main and I was flown in as emergency tank. We only did Curator and Aran that night. Curator was easy as usual. I was amused to see that I actually took less damage tanking Curator than the off-tank did soaking Hateful Bolts.
Aran was not so cool, it took us several tries to actually get him down, but we had new people in the raid so it was all still good. As is usual, we have no one calling out people, no yelling, we raid as friendly as it gets.
That’s why it really hit me very hard when someone new in the raid apologized, professing that she had not fucked up before I joined the raid, really. She defended herself as if I had a reason to be mad at her. I was flabbergasted. Today I hear people new to the raid or less experienced were actually saying they were glad I wasn’t there for the raid because they were scared enough already. 
(
This is a real dilemma for me. I lead most of our raids, and I think I am friendly, try to explain our strategies as best as I can. I never call anyone out personally. I actually make mistakes myself. I try to encourage everyone, say thanks to people who I think really rocked, try to keep the positive attitude up. Am I always super-nice and sweet to everyone? No. Do I voice my opinion when people do silly things (like replacing superior weapons with inferior weapons because of the look and sound effects of said weapon)? Heck yeah. Am I a perfectionist who tries to play on top of her game and tries to encourage others to do the same? Yes.
Apparently that turns me into the guild version of a nazi, which is a terribly politically incorrect term for a German like me. It really makes me unhappy, as I don’t want to be considered an asshole, don’t want to scare people. I just want to raid successfully, and have fun.
Has anyone here ever been in my shoes or has experienced similar? I could use some advice. :O
On a more positive note, I took my currently favorite alt, my rogue Ardraz, to Karazhan for the second day of the raid, for all later Kara bosses. It was her first Karazhan raid, she hasn’t got any Kara or badge gear, so I was worried if she was actually ready for later Kara content. I haven’t stopped grinning and giggling since I ran WWS:
Guess she was ready. So happy. Rogue DPS is my favorite playstyle aside from tanking, I swear. Awesome sauce. 
)
Being a leader is tough and one of the pitfalls is getting results without hurting morale. It can be easy to offend or intimidate someone without even knowing it. Having one on ones with the intent of pumping them up and learning what makes each person tick can really help. Get some direct feedback as well. Ask, “What do you see that I can do differently that will help you and the raid.”
Also, giving critiques in a manner that #1 keeps the person motivated and #2 corrects the problem can be a fine art. Talking to the person one on one instead of while still in the raid may keep the person from being embarassed amongst his/her peers. Sometimes that isn’t possible in the middle of a raid but other times the critique can come later. Very important! Whenever giving a critique, also point out the things the person is doing well.
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Well, I hope it helps to say you’re in a very common situation. For example, I know a very skilled, ultra diplomatic officer that takes that sort of flak a lot. Crazy though it is, its true that some players actually REFUSE to improve, and yet still claim to want to “progress” to harder content. I wonder if they’re really scared of you because you’re a nazi…? or is it just that they don’t want to change? There’s a big difference because the first is your fault, the second is theirs.
Hierarchy is necessary in any guild, and that does not make you a nazi per se, although some people will use that as a way to avoid criticism. To me, refusing to develop when other people depend upon you to do just that is very selfish.
I don’t know how you should deal with it though, since it depends on your guild’s charter. Since you seem fairly casual, its hard to insist people strive for perfection in the way you do. That’s considered by many “casual” players to be “hardcore”. Gemming the right gems and enchanting the right enchants seems obvious to me; to others, its waaaay too serious – after all, isn’t this all about having “fun”?
(definitions of quoted words may vary from player to player)
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@ARA – You could probably call me a hardcore player in a casual guild, as much as hardcore means that I am the min-max type of person. But you’re right, others don’t worry about gems and enchants so much, despite us actually giving away free gems for a while just to get people to socket their stuff.
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You guys are great though! I just have to say it sounds like such a nice vibe in general. But I can imagine some of the daughters not wanting to bother with all that math – after all, I’m a guy we love that stuff (I hope I didnt just offend anyone)
I’m the same – hardcore in a casual guild (tho I love the people) – and starting to get bored. I miss the edge I was on when I first starting learning to tank… so I’m thinking about moving on.
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Kadomi! We <3 you.
To be honest, I was nervous the first time I brought my warrior in to tank an instance and you were in the group. That’s only because you’re so good at tanking and I didn’t want to do something incredibly noobish in front of you. XD Of course I’m not perfect at it, but if I didn’t have you to give me all those tips I think I would have given up on trying to tank a long time ago.
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@Niza – You’re really good, and it makes me proud to see other prot warriors come in and do really well. Keep up the good fight, and fight any DK urges.
Thanks for the kind words, that makes me feel better.
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You scare me, and I don’t even play any more.
I’m with Niza on this one, you are /really/ good and it is kinda intimidating for new people just because they don’t want to screw up in front of you. I would never have made it to 70 without you, though. Even if we did annoy the heck out of each other half the time.
<3
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admin Reply:
July 30th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
@Draneb – Aww. Admittedly, I pushed you harder than anyone else, because I was so eager, so keen on playing with you. I still have a guilty conscience over it.
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@admin – Oh bah, nothing to be guilty about. I’m still half tempted to come back, so it can’t have been all bad.
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I think it’s a universal thing that raid leaders are kinda feared authority types. Don’t tell him this but Moridine scares me at times XD I guess it’s even more fearsome when the raid leader had played your class(es). You just kinda get terrified of noobing it up and being a drag to the raid even if everyone is the nicest bunch ever.
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